Day eight thousand and four hundred of insomnia.
You know what? I actually wish that wasn't an exaggeration. It's two thirty in the morning. I just got done laying in bed since a few minutes past one a.m., in yet another feeble attempt to acquire sleep. What is it about us insomniacs that sets us apart from others? And I don't mean those casual insomniacs who think missing two or three regular nights of sleep a month counts *cough* *cough* my mother *cough*, but legit people who simply cannot obtain any normal sleeping patterns, no matter what sleep aids they take, nor sleep hygiene practices they use?
Not sleeping might just be one of the most horrible things I can imagine. Sure, a lot is worse when it happens, but the mass majority of those worse things are short term. Insomnia, in my case, and those similar, is something that you battle with over the course of many years. The constant struggle with exhaustion, both physically and emotionally is bad, naturally, but that's not really the big issue. The big issue is when, after going so very long without proper sleep, that your body simply starts to degrade faster than those that are well rested on nearly all occasions. Wearing and wasting of muscle tissue, joints, aching tendons, nervous disorders, weight problems, irritability, not to mention stupid sexual side effects, because you can't help but lose interest in everything when you never feel refreshed.
Oh what to do? I'd smoke more pot, but of course, that's not in accordance with financial supplies right now, and, of course, I'm sick of the stupid, ignorant, fucktards in 'charge' (and their pharmaceutical overlords) and their baa'ing followers claiming it's horrid for you, thus causing far too much negative stigmas to make it worth me running the risk. Tried benzo's. Yay more nightmares. Tried other tranquilizers. Yay more nightmares. *sigh* I wonder, I truly truly wonder if I will ever see 3rd and 4th wave sleep again?
Yup, it totally sucks. I'll take cannabis ANY fucking day over benzodiazapines or other tranquilizers. At least it works and doesn't fucking kill you.
ReplyDeleteIt's pretty clear that your mother has an opinion on everything, and since she's the center of the fucking universe, it's evident that you're just a whiny baby who needs to get over your silly little insomnia/fibromyalgia combo and get a job. Because she's had insomnia. And it's not that bad. So, you suck. Her point of view is the only one that matters because despite not having any ambition of her own, any wisdom (because she continues to do the same shit over and over and over....what is that called? Oh, yeah. Insanity!), or anything that would define her as successful and not a leech suckling off the tit of humanity, she's still better than you. Did I get that right? :P
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